You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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