whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
