i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm at about main and main street
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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