i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
