Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
