I am in a vortex of obligation.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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