just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
