just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
