if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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