Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
