you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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