yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
