I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i think my tv is drunk
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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