The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
