I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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