the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize