therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
