dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
