I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
