I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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