Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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