How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
