You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
