seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
