he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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