Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
