In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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