forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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