it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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