clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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