She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
