I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
