Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
NoShamevember. You game?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize