No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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