Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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