I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you would pick up someone in the library
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
