oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
