i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I understand Curling. That high.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So. Much. Porn.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
