You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize