i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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