I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
