I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
