I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
