I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
