GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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