he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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