Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize