Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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