I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize