Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize