i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
