I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
