Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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