You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
