dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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