There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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