Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
