the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
