I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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