Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
