Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize