OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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