I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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