she smelled like a LAN party
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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