We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
