I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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