Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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