There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
