I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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