I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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