Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
