I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
