When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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