Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
