Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?

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(301): View more from Maryland

Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.

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(907): View more from Alaska

Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.

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