So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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