Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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