you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize