apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
